Faith.In.Life

Finding the One

Preface:

I should begin with this:  I speak of “the one” in somewhat generic terms as life is offly complicated, and when we think we found the one, does it somehow mean they were not the one all along when it does not work out?  I am equally not judging anyone’s dating experiences as if we were to throw stones I would be the first person in the wrong.  What I will say with certainty is that God can redeem any relational situation no matter where you are at, and He will most likely do so in ways you couldn’t have possibly imagined.  I am equally not talking bout healing coming through finding “the one,” but rather what I always talk about is that we each individually must first and for most be rooted in Christ Jesus, ever knowing that He alone is the Bridegroom and we are His bride.  A individual person cannot be redeemed without the Lord Jesus, just as much as a couple cannot fully sustained if they each haven’t first been redeemed.  Whether we are in singleness or in marriage, our main focus cannot be on ourselves or another person - but rather our only focus must be on Jesus as we remember in this Advent season the baby boy born to us to make us whole.  

As we come to Genesis 24, by this point Sarah has already died and Abraham is “now a very old man.”  After God has spoken his promise over and over again to Abraham, it seems like Abraham wants to have some influence upon Isaac to find his son a wife so that Abraham’s descendants would continue to build (a far cry from descendants as numerous as the stars).  So, Abraham calls one of his long standing servants which equally suggests it is his most trusted servant and gives him quite the task at hand:  Find a wife for my son…no pressure!

Thus, it is no surprise that the servant prays that the Lord will give him success while also asking that the Lord would give him a sign, so to speak, of who this wife is going to be.  The servant prays in Genesis 24:12-14:

12 “O Lord, God of my master, Abraham,” he prayed. “Please give me success today, and show unfailing love to my master, Abraham. 13 See, I am standing here beside this spring, and the young women of the town are coming out to draw water. 14 This is my request. I will ask one of them, ‘Please give me a drink from your jug.’ If she says, ‘Yes, have a drink, and I will water your camels, too!’—let her be the one you have selected as Isaac’s wife. This is how I will know that you have shown unfailing love to my master.” 

As we continue to read, as soon as the servant finishes praying, Rebekah shows up - and wa-la!  Now, of course, there is more story to be told, but (spoiler-alert) we know that Isaac marries Rebekah.

I must say, I wish that in my own journey to finding “the one” it was so straight forward.  One of the classic songs that many of my own friends used when several of us got married right at the end of our college years was “The Broken Road.”  The song reflects that the journey to find “the one” is not always so easy, and the lyrics read:

I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

That every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars

Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road

That led me straight to you

Yes, He did

To be honest, I find this song true and applicable to my own journey to God ultimately leading me to Kadra; but I equally find the western pathway to finding “the one” so incredibly strange.  The very concept of dating in the western culture at the very least can be boiled down to some glorified form of test driving.   But, if we carry out the idea of test driving further, its more like we somehow lease the vehicle and in ding so we don’t pay much attention to what the condition of the vehicle might be once we decide to trade in the vehicle, and move on to the next car.  

Of course, we are not talking about cars, we are talking about people - that we date the person to see how compatible we may or not be, all the while usually testing out the goods and taking the person on far more than a text drive.  However, in our culture today living together before marriage is at an all time high, which is very strange to me.  You don’t need to have any type of religious beliefs, what others might call “religious legalism,” to know that statistically people who cohabitate before marriage have a much higher divorce rate - even within the first years of marriage alone.  So, one doesn’t have to be a relationship expert to see that “testing the goods” isn’t all that productive, helpful, or fruitful.  On the other hand, my roommate in college just started dating a girl at the same time I was proposing to Kadra after we had been together for about a year and a half.  I had just returned from the Thanksgiving break that I had proposed to Kadra, and he proceeded to inform me that he had equally proposed to his girlfriend of all of two months (it may have even been less than that).  He and his wife now serve as missionaries with like six kids in what I assume to be a healthy marriage.  

Now, our youth today have far more things to consider, and they are encouraged to even test drive who they are attracted to let alone simply deciding on one man or one woman accordingly.  The confusion is only increasing, and so when we read about this servant praying, only to see the Lord open the door right away we might think to ourselves - likely story!  But, let’s be honest, we have made this process far too hard on ourselves.  That is, have any of us at any point in our lives simply said - Lord, lead me, and show me what your plan is for my life - and then be open to what the Lord is going to do?  Or, do we complain that things are not going the way we planned, and are not actually open to what the Lord is going to do?

In other words, I can only speak to my own story.  Growing up I sought out all the wrong places and did quite a bit of test driving, so to speak.  While I was largely careful in my relational life because I was terrified of getting a girl pregnant, that did not mean that I didn’t abuse myself throughout the process.  I followed the world’s understanding of what it means to find “the one” through all the test drives, expectations of what type of women were even datable, and at one point in my life I searched for all of life’s meaning through women - and yet I was surprised when women let me down.  Finally, just before the summer of 2004, I had one final relationship that ended just about as bad as it could be where I thought the date was so successful, and the woman saw it the exact opposite!  So, when I left Colorado for Myrtle Beach, SC, I was seeking the Lord’s face, I was ok with whatever would come next, and I simply said to the Lord - let your will be done.  I couldn’t have possibly thought about a scenario that would confirm who my future wife would be - but the Lord knew all along the one he had in mind for me, and Kadra has forever been a blessing.