Faith.In.Life

Unlovable

In our culture we put an extremely heavy emphasis on appearance to the point that we have moved to AI enhanced images.  One would want to think that humanity is not so fickle that maybe at one time or another we looked past a person’s appearance to their heart (thinking of God’s directive to Samuel about David), but we see here in Genesis 29 that Jacob is drawn to Rachel over Leah because of the younger daughter’s appearance.  We are told that “there was no sparkle in Leah’s eyes,” or nothing that would draw Jacob’s attention, while Rachel “had a beautiful figure and a lovely face.”  Jacob is so smitten with Rachel’s appearance that he probably does not know much more about her - not her personality or even how her body may or may not be able to produce an heir for him - but we are told that Jacob “was in love.”  So in love, that he would sacrifice first seven years, only to be deceived, and thus he gives up another seven years for this beautiful woman.

In the middle of the 14 year waiting period, we are thrown a bit of a curve ball that seems quite strange.  Jacob is called by God and we see that it is even God’s sovereignty that compels him to “hurry on to the land of the east.”  John Calvin points out in his commentary that a more literal translation of Jacob’s move can be described as “he lifted up his to feet.”  Calvin says:

The extraordinary strength of Jacob’s faith is commended as he comes into an unknown land.  We again consider the providence of God, which caused Jacob to fall in with the shepherds, by whom he was conducted to the home he sought; for this did not happen accidentally, but he was guided by the hidden hand of God to that place; and the shepherd, who were to instruct and confirm him respecting all things, where brought thither at the same time.  Therefore, whenever we may wander in uncertainty through intricate windings, we must contemplate, with eyes of faith, the secret providence of God which governs our affairs, and leads us to unexpected results.  

The most unexpected piece, though, has yet to fall into place.  Laban with some type of cunning master plan, both in to cultural practice of the time is true to offer up his first born daughter before any other to be married.  He may have also had an ulterior motive that if a man isn’t tricked, then Leah may never be married.  None the less, Laban offers Leah instead of Rachel after Jacob’s seven years of service.  In what might seem like an act of desperation, Jacob offers up another seven years and ends up marrying both Leah and Rachel.  On the one hand, this is a culturally accepted practice where men might have several wives and / or concubines.  On the other hand, this is not God’s command and this is one of the ways that Jacob and all of Israel will continually put God’s law to the test and will ultimately contribute to Israel’s ultimate demise into Exile in Babylon hundreds of years down the road.  

What should stand out to us, is how God interacts with the situation.  That is, God opens Leah’s womb and gives the unloveable daughter the ability to conceive while the most attractive daughter is barren.  When God sees Jacob’s rejection of Leah and “saw that Leah was unloved, he enabled her to have children, but Rachel could not conceive.”  Remember, a man’s name and legacy lives on through his seeds - as does God’s original promise to Abraham.  In Leah giving birth to Jacob’s first born, she acknowledges the dramatic shift of attention from Rachel to herself:  “The Lord has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me.”  John Calvin goes onto say:

The Lord, therefore, interposes as Leah’s vindicator, and, by a suitable remedy, turns the mind of Jacob into that direction, to which it had been most averse.  This passage teaches us, that offspring is a special gift of God; since the power of rendering one fertile, and of cursing the womb of the other with barrenness, is expressly ascribed to Him.  

I have been thinking a little more about this notion of dating or courting as of late.  While my daughters (I hope) are not old enough to even have this conversation, I realized that when I was growing up neither one of my parents took the time to teach me about the reason or purpose for dating.  I simply bought into cultural’s expectation where the first girl’s hand I held was due to the middle school mob’s intimidation to do so.  As my friends began to date, I followed suit, and my interaction with girls seemed to turn to dating rather than a far more healthy friendship even in middle school.  

My senior year of high school I dated one girl for a year.  My initial interaction with her was similar to Jacob’s recognition of Leah and I found her incredibly attractive.  During the months we dated I was once asked by a youth pastor if we were going to get married?  I didn’t know how to respond to the question - we were just dating, and we were far too young to be married.  I think I answered the question with a “maybe,” to appease this pastor’s intimidating question.  That was the first idea that was ever placed in my mind that dating might have a purpose.    However, when the relationship fell apart I was devastated and I spent the next three years in some way, shape, or form trying to restore that relationship in one way or another.  While it took some time to realize it, I ultimately found that I was forcing God’s hand with in a relationship that was not meant to be.  

We all know now that I would marry Kadra as we come this summer to 18 years of marriage.  But, another thought entered my mind when we first started trying to have kids and ultimately met now each of our three children.  The first was that when we were trying for Avery we struggled for 13 months to get pregnant. We had thought it would be simple, and just happen right away, but came to struggle.  We have learned a lot about biology in the process and even since, but when we finally became pregnant followed later by the other two girls’ pregnancy we realized how little control we had over the situation - and ultimately each of our children are a gift from God based on his timing and his power ot render fertility.  But, furthermore, once I met my kids - my whole view of dating changed.  That is - that if God knew us even before we were born, ever forming us in the womb, then he equally has a hand in the dating process, ultimately finding our spouse, and even rendering fertility.  If I am completely honest I am left in awe over all of this.  I have seen that the girl I dated in high school has well since married and had kids of her own.  And I think to myself how we may have tried to force God’s hand - only to realize that God all along had a spouse in mind for each of us that we most likely could have never guessed - and that even more when it comes to our children God equally had a design beyond our own imagination so that each one of our children are designed by His hands, their personalities formed so uniquely, that He might then use them to impact the next generation for His purpose.  

In it all, I personally cannot wait to see how God uses my kids knowing that they will be guided by His sovereign purpose.  I pray they have the faith to allow God to “hurry” to whatever purpose and ministry God has in mind for them.  I pray that my children understand the purpose of dating in a way I never did, and to not be attracted by the sparkle, the glitz and the glimmer - and ultimately they would both value the heart of whoever God has in mind for them for marriage - but even more so, that they would seek out God’s heart for their lives.